When I start feeling like this, the first thing I wonder is whether it is just the product of autosuggestion. I look at the calendar, it is August, life is not going smoothly, but I can't complain... well, I am going to get depressed. This, in any case, could be applicable to the latest years, in which I've been suspecting even more that something very terrible happened in this same month, but in 1942. Before, I used to get depressed and that was all, I didn't suspect anything. But back then the only reasons I blamed for feeling like that were hormones, the end of the summer, fewer light hours, the approaching of a course more filled with concerns... Now, as I have already noticed a year ago, and the year before, I know it's not a coincidence I always feel like this by this time of the year. For some reason, anniversaries play dirty tricks on us reincarnationists.
I always note down the dates when I feel emotions become more intense. Unfortunately I don't know yet the exact date of his death, of my death, nor the events that preceded those deaths. I have important suspicions he died in August, but this was only the final blow. I had already been crawling in a war that meant much more pain that I could have ever imagined. Johann was the only one who kept my hope alight. I was a nurse, but I couldn't do anything for him. I don't know where he's buried. I don't even know if they arranged a moderately decent burial for me. After all, I didn't even belong to their country. I barely know something. The only thing I know is I would give anything for knowing more about him and having a place where I could go and mourn for him.