Sometimes we even kill ourselves. When we research reincarnation, it is usual we find this idealized vision of what recalling past lives means: lessons to learn, souls you meet again, a lot of love and pink unicorns. Such a superficial view is still frequent in the Spanish-speaking world, as shows this video I recently found. It is normal, this is what sells. People don’t like hearing about trenches, mass graves, mass shootings, Holocaust victims or Nazis that commit suicide. People in general think we all are good souls and none would become involved with certain atrocities nor would have the idea of killing oneself. I used to think the same. So, as many others I have known on the way, when you remember past lives, you have to pass through a darkness you had never imagined, you have to face your shadow and assimilate we all have a luminous side and a dark side. We never know how we can react to certain circumstances. As I always say in my books, the path of self-discovery is just that: it is not an easy path, but if you reach the end, it is then you find real enlightenment. The rest are just illusions.
There is something unnatural, unreal, when due to life circumstances, you meet a boy that claims he is going to kill himself. He doesn’t know when he will do it, but he has already made a few attempts, it didn’t work, and he will try again. And it is strange, because, even though we are supposed to live only one life, I can know exactly how he feels, thanks to the fact I remember my past lives. So it is not hard for me to find out the cause of his desperation, despite his initial resistance. I have also been in the bottom of a dark pit I couldn’t get out. I also know what it is to feel a paralyzing fear that even makes you cry. I know what it is to feel alone and think you have no other way out but death, to think no one is going to help you. I know what it is to be a victim of sexual abuse and I also know what it is to be mistreated by a father, someone who is supposedly there to take care of you and protect you. I know what it is to gather all your braveness to speak up, and then find out, not only that it is useless, but turns out to be much worse for you. As I already wrote in one of those entries, I spent a great part of my adolescence and youth deathly quiet due to those experiences that I didn’t even remember consciously. Sometimes I had an expression like the girl from Brave, the album by Marillion (picture that is on my cell phone today, so that I don’t forget where I come from):
And yes, this is reincarnation. Recalling past lives is not nice. In many cases it entails to speak of unpleasant things we would rather sweep under the carpet. It is a failure of our society, a shame for the human species, that the most vulnerable keep being the victims of violence, in their own homes, and we can barely do something to prevent it. Even as I write these lines, I know I have to keep silent, even when my advice would always be the opposite and right now I am dying to shout it out loud... to EVERYONE.
This old song by Soul Asylum sought to give a bit of visibility to this problem that many children keep suffering in silence. Possibly it is the worst thing someone can remember when they travel to their own past… but it is happening now, anywhere in the world, and the majority of people prefer to close their eyes and ignore it. The majority of people prefer to dream in their world of unicorns instead of thinking how we can improve the world we live in.
Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep
It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there
Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded
I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train
And everything seems cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there
Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there
Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same