«This period of confinement due to the coronavirus pandemic is triggering plenty of emotions that, unsurprisingly, take me primarily to the Cold War or to the Second World War. Yesterday it was the turn of this latter. They were not the most traumatic memories, but they do bring the same feeling I have now: that of incredulity and fear for what is going on around me, the feeling we are being robbed of our future that could have been, at least, mildly happy.
The best thing is that it took me to the times I was a nursing student, and I saw things I had not seen before. The name Bulovka came quickly to me, when it was years since I last read it, so now it is clearer to me than ever before that was indeed the hospital I was in. I see large windows divided in little squares, with white frames. In the pictures I have seen, those I searched this morning, the size of the windows doesn’t match exactly, I saw them much larger while in the pictures they look smaller, but there is a certain similarity.
What most matches is that I always had the feeling the hospital was “in the outskirts”, I used to walk there every day though you could go in the tramway (I tried to avoid because it cost some money), and that day I encountered a truck in front of me, I was walking to the hospital and the road was partly made of sand. Well, this does match the pictures, as it was being built yet. Now the place is totally different. The year 1936 came to me strongly (I was around 15-16 years old), though I don’t know how many years I was studying. But if the German occupation was in 1938 or 1939, I don’t remember very well now, it also matches totally, as back then I was already working or at least doing in an internship in that hospital.
I also had the feeling I didn’t get to graduate, maybe the exams couldn’t take place because of the war, I guess everything got paralyzed the same way it is all paralyzed now with the coronavirus.
I saw a classroom, not too large (more or less like the classrooms I had at high school), with big wooden desks, lightly slanted. I saw a notebook I had, with yellowish, lined paper. I use the pencil a lot. We have to learn calculations for the doses. I saw a manometer to measure the arterial pressure, with a crystal sphere and a pointer. I saw that the saline bottles are usually made of crystal, like the needles, which have a metallic plunger (I suppose we reuse them). We wear white with a liner, and there are some nurses that are religious and wear a wimple (or whatever is called), but we don’t. I saw one of my teachers, a young woman around 30, quite nice, she likes to teach me. I didn’t see much more…
Oh, yes, a doctor comes and we all stand in a line as if we were military personnel and he is doing an inspection. Our uniforms have to be impeccable.
I wonder if I will be able to do my work when I have to treat a patient.
Then I saw the apartment in Prague again, and how I try to study in my room, in that desk, and it annoys me that Heinrich tells me I have to take care of my domestic duties first and then my studies.
There wasn’t a lot of emotional or cognitive connection. More than anything, it was that feeling, that soon things are going to change and we don’t know what will happen with our future… I just wanted to be a nurse and live in peace, but now things are turbulent and anything can happen. I feel rage and frustration. I see as if I am passing in front of of a fire in a backyard or something like that, where several students are burning books… I pass along as I don’t want to see myself involved in problems...»
(Regression 6-4-2020.)
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Part 1. In another regression it became clear to me that I was a nurse and helped the doctor in anything I could. Only recently I realized this second patient could have been the same as in the former regression, when we cured him the broken arm he had on a sling: «First of all, I was sitting in front of a table with what looked like a notebook and a pencil or a ball pen. I am in a room, and the doctor is sitting at another table. He is explaining something to me and I am taking notes, I think it is a treatment. He calls out: “Katrina!”, because I am getting asleep. I apologize and explain to him that “the mister” sometimes makes me get up very early. The doctor replies excuses are not valid to him and I have to attend, if I want to help him. I know it is the afternoon, as in the mornings I am working in the flat. I see the doctor very clearly. He is strict, but also affectionate, and very patient and understanding with me, I think he has a lot of patience. He is a dark-haired, tall and chubby, good-natured looking man, with a moustache. I don’t know if we are in a real school or he is just teaching me on a personal basis, because I will work with him in the future. But I am learning, there is no doubt about that. Living in an alarm state decreed by the government provokes that many of us (not to say all) have our emotions running high. In those of us that remember past lives, this means those emotions can bring us memories from other lives. After years experimenting with this subject, I know this is one of the phenomena that admits no doubt: emotions and memories are closely related. This is why I am constantly going from one past life to the other these days. Sometimes I feel like in the Cold War, due to the feeling of fear, the existence of spying neighbours and the police halting me everywhere to control my movements. Other times I go to the Second World War, due to that uncomfortable feeling that, once more, I am being robbed my future and the chance to, simply, live and be happy. I wish they would let me do it at least once. Please. I can’t stop thinking about the songs in "Stationary Traveller" by Camel, as they describe so well the situation we are living now. What started with surprise and stupor, with the incredulity we had to live through this in XXI century, such restriction of personal freedom, is gradually transforming in an anxious normality mildly accepted by everyone. Well, I was up to this, when I decided to meditate one of those days. And I went right to the time I was a nursing student in Prague, an innocent youth no older than 15 or 16, still dreaming of working in something interesting that would give me the economic independence I needed. Though I always doubt a lot about the accuracy of dates, this time the year 1936 came to me very strongly. Soon after, Czechoslovakia was occupied by the German. I suppose war would paralyze everything, the same way the alarm state paralyzes everything now, and I saw with amazement how everything around me started to change. I was not the owner of my future anymore. My hopes and dreams would be seized by the men who make war and decide who must die and who must live. I had no other option than keep on living and adapt to the new circumstances. And, like now, there were people who encouraged me, while I was beginning to see it all black and without knowing started to fall into the claws of the worst of depressions. Prague, Czechoslovakia. 1939-03.
Soon after the German Army entered Prague, crowds line the street as a parade of German Panzerkampfwagen II light tanks passes. The salute is taken by General Freiherr Leo Geyr von Schweppenburg, Commander of 3rd Tank Division of the German Army. Note the Nazi flags flying from the buildings. (Original print held in AWM Archive Store). Source: https://www.awm.gov.au/collection/C298334 |
AuthorMy virtual name is Eowyn. I have been researching and experiencing reincarnation since 2011. This blog is only a tiny fraction of the result. Categories
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