The piano turned up again on March 2014, and little by little, as I clear up things, I think I am possibly seeing two different phases. Here I can indeed play it, but it is not the same house, but my sister’s, where I was fostered for some time.
«I suddenly saw myself playing the piano, I was even hearing the melody, it seems this piano is placed between two windows… and I think I used to see it like this when I remembered that X I thought lived in the West. I think it is definitive that this X is in reality Susan, when I was living with my sister and her husband, before and after the first trial. I suddenly turned my head to the left and there was my daughter: a 3-4-year-old girl that tries to play with me but she can’t yet… It moves me having her so close. Her hair is of a light colour, not like mine, and she is so beautiful.
I also started to see the porch of this house. There is a rocking chair and possibly some swing, it is a great house and I see it all with brown and golden colours, as if bathed in an autumnal light. Then I have gone back in time and I am in that rocking chair, several months pregnant, and my sister is beside me, and I know our mother is with us too, and my sister’s husband, a young man that remains a bit distant but is kind to me as well. I suddenly feel a lot of sadness and I nearly begin to weep, as we are talking about my father. I feel a lot of rage, and I tell my mum the choice should have been mine, not his, but of course, he was supposed to know better than I what was convenient for me… and no, I know he maybe did it with good intentions, but he should have listened to me when I told him whom I wanted to marry… now I know I missed my only chance to be happy, as that lad married someone else.
It is with my sister I get along the best, she asks me who is the father, I can’t tell her much, but I do say the father is not my ex-husband. She insists, but I don’t say anything, I just see him in my mind and think he had his own life, and we were at great risk, so I really wish he is faraway, out of danger, despite how much it hurts he will never see my child. When I think about him, I see him with long and a bit curly hair (as always), a very passionate and courteous gentleman, someone that makes me feel alive, all the opposite to my husband…
Then I see myself with a bigger belly, and I know the labour comes, and shortly afterwards I go to the city with my mum to surrender. As I saw in another regression, it is very hard for me to leave my baby with my sister, I know it is possible I won’t see her again, and I tell her to take care of her if I don’t come back. I know she will do, as if she was her own.»
(Regression 5-3-2014.)