As I already told after the visit to the Naval Museum of Madrid, I read in deep all the documents I could find about the battle of Toulon and the death of James. I haven’t yet published all I learned from history. What most interested me, of course, was verifying my memories, but there weren’t many details. For instance, it was mentioned I rejected the help from the doctor, in particular it exactly said that I only lived long enough “to express the agony he was in, by shaking his head at the surgeon." I could perfectly imagine myself shaking my head, but the complete scene didn’t come to me no matter how hard I tried to remember (as, regardless of what some may claim, one thing is to imagine and a different thing is to remember). It was not specified either if my legs had been completely mutilated or were just disabled due to the damage caused by the famous chain-shot. However, while I was writing my experience in the museum, right here in the blog I wrote that during a self-reiki session (day January 16th, 2017) this happened:
I don’t notice anything unusual during the session, but once in bed I feel an odd pain located near the left knee. One point is situated a bit above the knee, dorsal position. The other point is under the knee. I don’t know why, but I always imagine the tissues of the left knee got completely destroyed, but the leg itself wasn’t severed. The right leg suffered less damage, but it was kind of dangling. It is a pity I will never be able to validate these details. Beside the physical sensations, I also notice some of the emotions that must have accompanied this event, mainly the realization that I couldn’t get up, the thought that I didn’t want to be a cripple, and the knowledge I was going to die.