- 19th century. Cardiff. A woman from a very humble family (I still don’t know her name, curiously enough), who eats thanks to fishery. She inherits her parents’ house and lives alone. At some point during her youth (around 20) she meets a Norwegian merchant sailor who usually travels from Norway (Bergen in particular) to Cardiff. They fall in love. There are long periods of separation during which the feelings of emptiness and loneliness become unbearable. Jan (the sailor, of course he is “H” again) loves the sea with a passion. The woman can’t even think of asking him to quit (besides, it is his livelihood). The time they spend together is very happy, and they have a daughter, Elisabeth, though it seems they never got married due to religious issues. Regrettably, Elisabeth dies at a very young age (around 12, of scarlet fever). Later in time, they decide to leave Cardiff and move to Norway, with Jan’s family. Jan now works at the dockyards. The woman dies shortly after in a premature way, I reckon she was over 40 years old. Jan was by her side until the very end.
- At the end of 19th century, somewhere near Colorado mountains, in the United States of America, there lives Tom, a blonde boy whose family own a ranch and work breeding cattle. His elder brother is murdered supposedly by the Indians, shortly after the father dies of a disease. His elder sister takes charge of the ranch, despite the fact he is the one who should assume that responsibility (as he is the next “man of the house”, there is another brother, but he is only 10 years old). He works a little but spends a lot of time with a “friend” who is anything but a good influence. He gets him a work as a stagecoach bodyguard and both commit themselves to that. They spend a lot of time playing poker, drinking in the canteen… in sum, lazing around. They get in trouble. It is very likely that Tom dies young, and it looks like it was for getting into trouble with the Indians… though this I don’t know for sure yet.
- The most recent life (that I remember so far) would take place from 1920 to 1941, approximately. Katrina is a Czech woman (if she wasn’t born in Czechoslovakia, probably she was born in Poland or a nearby country). I have the impression her mother couldn’t take care of her. It is very likely the relationship between her parents broke up (I don’t know when), and she leaves her in the care of her grandparents in some town somewhere in Czechoslovakia. There she spends her childhood (with sporadic visits to Prague where her alleged father lives) and goes to school, until the grandparents die and her mother decides she must move definitely to Prague, to work as a maid in the house of a “friend”, at barely 15 years old. I suspect her mother’s “friend” is her father, but he doesn’t want to acknowledge it. He accepts grudgingly and treats her coldly. At some point she decides to study nursing. Possibly she enrolls in the army. In a military hospital she meets a German soldier she falls in love with. But then there is an invasion, WWII begins, and they are both sent to the front (it is very likely they fight in Dunkirk, France). The soldier dies. Katrina is probably shot down and dies, but the circumstances surrounding this death are not clear yet. Once more, the spirit of “H” is the one inside the German soldier.
Yes, I bet that after reading all this, one is flabbergasted. Where have I gotten all this information from? Is there some truth in it? It is not the time to answer these questions here. A moment comes when that doesn’t matter anymore, because… it does happen. And not only are they images and data that arise in your mind when you are in a deep state of relaxation, but you live them intensely, and you can even cry for things that apparently are not important, like moving from the town where you were raised to the city.
As this is a summary, I haven’t said anything about all the emotions that come along with these facts or the connections I find with my current life, but I can ascertain my current personality is built of little fragments from each and every one of these “characters” (in the noble sense of the term, that is to say, in the sense of actors or players in a game). And this, which for some reason now I know without a doubt, makes me understand myself much better and keeps me from judging people for things they did or decisions they made. Now I know that the “fear” I have always felt towards authority figures like a simple Spanish military police agent that halts my car for a routine check, it is because as Katrina I felt panic before German soldiers and the atrocities I witnessed. And if I think it makes no sense to fight in life because whatever you do, you will always lose, and a great pessimism that might become depression takes hold of me, now I know it is a reflection of Roderic’s thoughts, because as Roderic I never got rid of the oppression and the injustice that overwhelmed me, and I finally yielded, seeking my own death doing something I should never have done. Or, if suddenly, without knowing why, I feel I miss someone very much, someone I supposedly don’t know, who gave me all the love I needed and more, I know it is because I still can remember how wonderful was meeting Jan and sharing many of my days with him. I also know the origin of my low self-esteem, especially during my teenage years: as James I despised myself for the barbarities I had to do in the name of the English Crown, and for cheating on my wife, when my only wish was to be a mariner… And I also know why since a very early age I always knew that the Church, the further away the better. As Reginald, I saw the burning of witches, I saw tortures by the Inquisition, I saw persecutions of innocent people only because they owned a Koran… I always loved Jesus and I always knew his real message was not the one the Church preached.
All this is fascinating to me. I have been writing for two hours and I would go on much longer, because this is LIFE and nothing else. In all lives there are good and bad moments. In all lives there are infinite things to learn. All lives are different, and all are worth living. Life is a wonderful and eternal adventure. Pain is only momentary. And the people you meet are always waiting for you on the other side. Years back I used to say I had no desires to come back, but now I think it is all the opposite. We all keep coming back, and not only because our spirit has to evolve, but because despite everything, being incarnated is terrific: it is exciting, it is fun, you can unleash your creativity, you can interact in all possible ways with other souls… it is a gigantic videogame in which sometimes you have quite a bad time, but you are never alone and you can always start a new game. I am no one to opine, but I think God has done a mighty work.