Unfortunately, I don’t remember much about Elisabeth, I guess this is because her life was quite short. She was a pale, blonde-haired girl, beautiful. She used to wear her hair long, sometimes braided. Over her dress I used to put some kind of white apron. And, like I previously said, she looked a lot like Jan. She had a very infectious laughter. I hear her asking when daddy will come (I always answer “Soon”), or when we will go to the harbor to welcome him. I once joked with her, asking her if she would help him carry the chest home. I feel her hand on mine, while we walk along the town streets. I see her playing with Jan at the beach. Sometimes we would light a fire and spend a lot of time there. I loved that beach, as we lived so many happy moments there, since Jan and I had met. I know that when she was still a baby, Jan gave Eli something he had done himself, something related to the sea, maybe a cork or wooden figure with the shape of a ship. I loved the gesture, but I had to take it away from her, just in case she licked or bit it.
She must have been around eleven when Elisabeth fell ill. Once again, Jan was sailing. She started to cough, and then red spots appeared on her skin, and spread to all her body. I saw her in bed, with a very high temperature. On regression, it came to my mind that it could be scarlatina, though at the beginning I doubted that was possible. I was very worried. A woman was with me, probably my aunt, and we called the doctor to come and see her, but he couldn’t say if she would get better.
The doctor (a grey-haired man with a moustache) that has come to see her is very serious and I suspect the thing is severe. I ask him, "Is she going to die?" I don’t know very well what he answers, but it doesn’t seem very optimistic, something like "Pray God". I ask him, "What can I do for her?" and he replies, "Whatever a mother can do for her child”. I am left alone with her, she is in a bed near the window so that she can have some sunshine, but she is barely conscious and coughs a lot.
(Regression February 11th, 2015).
Jan’s absence broke my heart, of course. He was not present in her birth and neither was he in her death. But by this time I had already accepted it and I didn’t feel so much resentment. I had learned to cope with his absence, and somehow I know this also annoyed the townsfolk, who always thought a sailor would never be a good spouse or a good father. Even during the doctor’s visit, they reproached me again that Jan was not with us. Not even the parish priest had enough decency to stay quiet and not rub salt in the wound, even when mine were so recent. This is what I recall from Elisabeth’s funeral, the one that was celebrated in the white chapel:
I am sitting somewhere, I wear a black dress and I have a bouquet of white flowers on my lap. I know it is Cardiff, and the image of a young, black-haired man, with a small moustache, comes to me, but I don’t know who he is yet. Then I went on to Eli’s death. I know it is her funeral and I am outside the white church, on a bench placed right at the exit, beside the door. Inside there is her coffin so that people can say the last goodbye, though it seems there are not many. [...]
I am alone because Jan is sailing. [...]
Then I see the black-haired young man turns up on the road that comes to the church. In front of me, at about twenty steps, there is a stone fence that surrounds the premise, and he turns up, he sees me, and gets next to me. I am sitting with the bouquet of flowers, with the intention of leaving it on Eli’s grave once she is buried. The young man is also the priest who didn’t want to get us married, and I suspected this was partly due to the fact he wanted me for himself. He comes to give me his condolences, he sits down on my left, and says, “I’m so sorry. It hurts me to see you alone”. And he dares to add, “I know this is not the best of moments, but I just want to tell you I’m still single...”, suggesting he would take care of me better than Jan.
Of course this gets me very angry and stirs even more the pain I carry inside. There was a time I kept a lot of resentment towards Jan, being alone at certain moments was hard. But not anymore. I love him anyway. I reply to him, “Go away. He’s the only man I’ve ever loved and I'll always love him”.
(Regression February 2nd, 2015).
I gradually told him what had happened with the priest in Eli’s funeral and the problems with the placement of her grave.
I saw myself with Jan in front of Eli’s grave. I would say it is in a church’s backyard, in a corner. I feel a lot of anger because I know it shouldn’t be there, she should be resting with her grandfather, but the priest only allowed to give her that place because Jan and I were not married, and she wasn’t baptized. I get very angry and tell Jan what will happen if she doesn’t go to Heaven, that is what I have heard. And Jan has to hold me and calm me down telling me that of course she will go to Heaven, as Eli was an angel. I think the same... But there is even more. I have also heard people whisper that maybe taking her away so young was a punishment of God against me... and I can’t hold back my tears in thinking: “How can they say that? She was only a child! I did all I could for her! And you and I love each other! What’s wrong with that?” They say that for the same reason the priest did, because it seems our relationship was not well looked upon, we live in sin and they are devoted only to speak such nonsense. Jan tells me, “Pay them no heed", what do they know?... He has never left and he never will.
(Regression November 8th, 2012).
I know my daughter Elisabeth died around 1895-97 and was buried in Cardiff. Jan and I used to go to visit her often. I remember her tombstone, oval-shaped, not a cross, could be seen behind some metal bars, near the corner of a church.
She has to be in a record somewhere.
Scarlatina.
"Scarlet fever can occur as a result of a group A Streptococcus (group A strep) infection. The signs and symptoms include a sore throat, fever, headaches, swollen lymph nodes, and a characteristic rash. The rash is red and feels like sandpaper and the tongue may be red and bumpy. It most commonly affects children between five and fifteen years of age.
Scarlet fever affects a small number of people who have either strep throat or streptococcal skin infections. The bacteria are usually spread by people coughing or sneezing."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scarlet_fever
“The rash is the most striking sign of scarlet fever. It usually begins looking like a bad sunburn with tiny bumps and it may itch. The rash usually appears first on the neck and face, often leaving a clear unaffected area around the mouth. It spreads to the chest and back, then to the rest of the body. In body creases, especially around the underarms and elbows, the rash forms classic red streaks. Areas of rash usually turn white when you press on them. By the sixth day, the rash usually fades, but the affected skin may begin to peel.
Aside from the rash, there are usually other symptoms that help to confirm a diagnosis of scarlet fever, including a reddened sore throat, a fever above 101°F (38.3°C), and swollen glands in the neck. The tonsils and back of the throat may be covered with a whitish coating, or appear red, swollen, and dotted with whitish or yellowish specks of pus. Early in the infection, the tongue may have a whitish or yellowish coating. A child with scarlet fever also may have chills, body aches, nausea, vomiting, and loss of appetite.”
http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/scarlet-fever.html
“Scarlet fever epidemics of various intensity affected Europe and America in 18th century. Nils Rosen von Rosenstein, professor in the Upsala University, in 1744, referring to the first epidemic registered in Sweden, observes: ‘Scarlet fever is sometimes so favorable and benign in some people that the patient only requires good general care; in others it is so malign that it can cause them death in one or two days’.
Pierre Bretonneau, in his work published in 1826, clearly distinguished fever scarlet from diphtheria, said that in his clinical activity in Tours, didn’t remember a single mortal case, between 1799 and 1822; however the 1824 scarlet fever epidemic was so grave that it induced him to consider such disease to be in the same category of malignity that bubonic plague, exanthematic typhus or cholera.”
Translated from http://myslide.es/documents/historia-escarlatina.html
"It was a much-feared disease that caused devastating epidemics through the 19th and early 20th centuries, resulting in thousands of deaths."
https://102theavenue.wordpress.com/2015/02/14/scarlet-fever-makes-a-come-back/