All right, I will be honest. I accepted because I feel I still have some memories that I need to process that belong to a certain past life. Just last weekend I visited the old flat where I lived with my partner many years, as we were going to attend together a lecture about meditation and energy techniques. While I was already in the bedroom taking off my shoes, I heard how he locked the front door and a strange inner feeling invaded me, one that no doubt it has nothing to do with my present life. It was the feeling I had made a big mistake going back to that place. My thought was: «Let’s see if I don’t get out of here anymore». I am almost convinced it is caused by my experiences in my life as a mistreated wife, one with quite specific and quite terrible memories, though I can’t discard the house might have some influence on my thoughts. From subjective sensations, information obtained by meditations, dreams and even a couple of EVPs, I am certain that at least an abusive men and two terrified women lived there. But I am inclined to think that thought was all mine, in that moment.
At the beginning I felt nothing. Nothing beyond the usual, I mean. The darkness of my eyelids, the green and violet I use to see as a train of waves, the sound of my breathing… After ten minutes or so I began to feel a strange tingling in my hands and feet, and then in the area of the solar plexus. I kept observing.
I am already very used to the weird pains that may turn up while in meditation, so I was not surprised of the feelings I had next, which I imagine are normal in any energy healing worth its salt (my opinion is that energy healing doesn’t need any label, and I am sure remembering past lives has already a healing effect by itself, as it is the catharsis the one providing that healing). I felt a kind of slight pressure on my left cheekbone, and the first images of my past life as Susan followed. It is curious I didn’t put any intention in obtaining memories of this life, nor did the therapist, but that was what started to come out. I think that feeling corresponds to one of the first slaps my husband gave me, probably wearing a ring in his hand. It bled and a beautiful bruise formed, but the pain is nothing compared to the feeling of impotence and humiliation.
I saw my husband as I had seldom seen him before: first just his black frock coat, with a pocket watch in his waistcoat. His serious, aged, scrawny face; his grey hair, thinning on the crown. A thin body and medium height. His moustache stood out, with long hairs, also grey, hanging along the upper lip. He was supposed to be a successful businessman.
Then I saw a grey wooden, narrow stair. I am at the bottom, looking up angry because he has locked the door and I can’t get out. I have had memories of being locked up before, in other places, but none looked like a basement. He does this as if he believed I am a little girl that needs chastisement, and I know sometimes he keeps me there a few days, being hungry and cold.
More body feelings, in other parts of my body I prefer not to mention. It was as if someone was going over all my chakras, balancing them, giving away everything that should not be there.
Repeated memories of my grey mare, and how I used to mount her to flee to a hut we possibly had on a large land. She was one of the few beings that provided me a bit of relief in that time, darker and darker as the years passed, unable to get over the traumas caused in my first marriage and change the fatal fate that was waiting for me if I could not rectify the way.
After half an hour or three quarters, the whirlwind of emotions and the tears stopped, and I started feeling some peace, a burden that got lighter. I barely was aware of the first hour, so immerse I was in the experience. The end of the session, that lasted an hour and a quarter, was very calm, with nothing important to tell.
I have to say I have felt nothing different to what I have felt in other instances, meditating on my own. It is true that when you do it with company the energies intensify and the experience tends to be more productive, as I have seen in several group meditations with forum users. This time I have also felt such intensification, and now we will see the long-term effects. My goal was to leave behind some mental patterns related to economy: to break once and for all the idea that I need a man so that I won’t end up in a brothel trying to earn a life by myself, for example. To really believe I can be self-sufficient and I deserve a life in absolute freedom, not submitted to someone for the mere fact of being a woman in a society that has everything planned for you, and if you get out of that role, you are labeled a hysteric and sent to a mental asylum. To prove myself that perhaps, in other circumstances, and in my right mind, I could have escaped the gallows.
Also, and this the most surprising part of the experience: she told me this had never happened to her before, but she saw at chest-level a man in his forties or early fifties with a moustache 😳. And at abdomen-level a blonde, seven to nine years old boy, combed to one side, wearing a white shirt and sucking a pencil thinking what to write 😳 😳.
I don’t need to say who the man was, probably it was me who transmitted the image to her, as that was what I was seeing in my mind. I am not so sure about the kid, but I suspect it could be Jérôme as a child. Curiously, in that life I was a carpenter’s apprentice from a very early age and I ended up having my own business, fact that could be related to the economic subject we are addressing here.
Of course, the therapist knew absolutely nothing about my past life memories.